census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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