Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm passing your future prison.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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