Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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