I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
