I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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