Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
