Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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