why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
