i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Don't make out with my wife yet
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
