You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
