The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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