No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
