did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
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