someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
