she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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