Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize