We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
