What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize