And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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