do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
