A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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