I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
