yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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