No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize