Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
