Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
