drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
