i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
