Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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