I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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