sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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