just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
