omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize