screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
