she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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