I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
