She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
