my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
