apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize