Buhtt sex?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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