Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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