I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
