somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
