This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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