I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
