Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
