ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
