whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
