and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
