can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
