We're like a lot better than the average bears
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
