he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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