New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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