If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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