also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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