Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
