Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
