this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
