I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think my fart just growled at me.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
