I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize