Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
