do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
