Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
