I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
