I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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