Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
