honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
