new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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